Yet Another Exciting Outing…

2 02 2012

Oh, the adventures of every day life.  I never cease to be amazed.  Take today, for instance.  All I wanted to do was go to town….

To clarify for anyone who doesn’t live out yonder past the back forty, getting from my little farm house in the orchard to the bustling metropolis of Twisp (population 907), requires a beautiful 6 mile drive down a winding road following the river with no guard rails.  Six miles might not sound like a whole lot, but when you have to worry about wandering deer, sharp curves (again, no guard rails!), and the current bonus of winter conditions, those six miles can be quite the challenge.

Town of Twisp, WA

That's it folks, the entire city...er, town... (photo curtesy of townoftwisp.com)

However, I dearly love to eat, and Hank’s Market doesn’t exactly deliver.  And with all the lovely snow, on top of J needing my car the last few weeks, our recycling bin in the kitchen has been threatening to burst the walls and spill out all over the lawn.  So for my lunch break, I donned my beloved snow boots and ventured out.

If you were lucky enough to catch any of last week’s tirade, you’ll know I haven’t been especially pleased with all this Pacific Northwest “winter” business.  When it prevented me from seeing my momma, I was down-right PISSED.  Sadly I can’t hold a grudge to save my life, and all the sparkly snow sure is pretty.  If Lady Winter had a FaceBook, I just re-friended her.

I also have a hard time staying mad about anything when the brilliant sun is shining so happy through my window.  And the temperatures broke 30 degrees!  Its damn-near tropical out there! (Not that I would know, I rarely step foot outside…)  But this is not as wonderful as I had imagined it to be, sitting at my desk with my feet propped up on the heater, dazzled by all the snow-glitter outside.

You see, those rising temperatures have done a curious thing to the road conditions.  While the trusty snowplows have done a great job, they have no control over what happens to the snow that’s packed down tight against the asphalt when those temperatures rise.  We suddenly go from snow my little Mazda’s all-weather tires can handle to a sloppy, messy, ruin-everything muck that cakes inside the wheel wells and tosses Mazda around like a row-boat in the ocean.

car wreck in snow

The thought of this happening had me cruising so slow I almost never made it. I know what this feels like and don't plan to ever do it again!

I believe the common term for this phenomenon is “slush” – and not the delightful kind from Sonic that sets you in a high-fructose-corn-syrup orbit til the end of next week.  No no, this kind is a menace to society, making even a six-mile drive take 20 minutes and turning every parking lot into a soupy, slippery, bumpy disaster.

It melts unevenly, of course, and creates craters I had to navigate or risk being swallowed into the depths of ice-hell (oh it’s a real place, believe me).  Good thing my back-up career choice is that of Nascar driver.  I’m convinced I only managed to maneuver the nuclear wasteland and park due to my insane skill level (and maybe a few dozen guardian angels).

On the way home, I had yet another problem.  As though it weren’t enough that I was getting carpel tunnel from gripping the steering wheel and had to check my undies to make sure they were clean in case I wrecked, I was now driving into the sun.  I vainly refuse to wear my glasses most days, since they provide a tell-tale sign of the uber-geek lurking just below the surface.  Instead, I arrogantly suffer the Contacts of Death which make my eyes feel like they are swimming in battery acid.  This feeling is compounded by the blasting heater and the intensely blinding glare of not only the afternoon sun, but the double-glare from the rays bouncing mocking off the snow and ice, as though dancing in delight at my pathetic condition.

Don’t tell my boss, but my lunch errands might have taken a little more than an hour.  What’s a girl to do?!  The recycle center has very limited hours and I have to EAT!  And I worked extra at the end of the day to make up for it, so don’t look at me like that.  I blame the wicked, evil Slush Monster.  It also ate my homework and holds single socks hostage from the dryer…

glare on the road – i vainly wear my Contacts of Death because my glasses give one more clue to the uber-geek lurking right below the surface

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